Someone who was prone to disputes and friction of different kinds with his fellow church goers once said something wise. I keep it in my utility belt. He said that church is like a rock grinder. You come in a rough misshapen rock or stone and with all of the abrasion and friction with your brethren it grinds you smooth until you are a perfect round marble. Or at least something more approximating one than where you were when you started.
Loving God is easy by comparison because of His perfection. The difficulty we have in loving God is our lack of perfection or lack of understanding of where God might be steering us.
It is not just imperfections that create friction amongst us and our neighbors. Sometimes it is intention. Some might want more of us than we feel comfortable sharing with them is the softest way I can say this. For me, I am 62. Relationships and me have never gotten along well. I don’t want/need nothin’ from nobody. I will accept kindness, consideration, respect and admiration. Admiration only though if it is for demonstrating the attributes of the Holy Spirit. I get it right sometimes. It is nice when it is noticed, and it is encouraging. However, it’s a “gimmenotagotta”. Some folks are devastated and feel they are in outer darkness without admiration from their fellow. That’s a problem.
So how does one do all of the following at once?
Love God with all your heart (Matthew 22:37)
Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39)
Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23)
Here are some key scriptures to keep in your utility belt:
Matthew 22:37–40 – The two great commands (love God first, then neighbor)
Galatians 6:2, 5 – “Bear one another’s burdens” AND “each will carry his own load”
2 Thessalonians 3:10–15 – Love includes correction, not enabling
Proverbs 27:17 – Iron sharpens iron (boundaries enable growth, not isolation)
1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Bad company corrupts good character” (boundaries protect holiness)
John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this…” (love is sacrificial, not self-destructive)
Step 1 – Love God first. Put God first. Focus on God. Love Him with all ya got. Then when you move on to step 2 it will be possible and meaningful.
It will be about the other person not greed or filling an empty space.
And if that is where your heart truly is then you will be able to construct and establish boundaries and know that it is righteous and appropriate.
Boundaries Are Not Walls:
A boundary says, “I love you, but I won’t participate in your sin” or “I love you, but we seem to have different interests”, “I care, but I can’t rescue you from consequences.” or even, and yes this is ok… “I love you and I absolutely want the best for you but… ‘I don’t like you a while lot (or ‘I don’t like some things about you’ or ‘sometimes you get on my nerves'” Walls are not boundaries. They are a hard stop. They say, “I don’t care.”
A shoulder on the road is a boundary. A “wall” on the road is a bridge embankment.
Boundaries are loving; walls are isolating.
Love + truth + boundaries = Christlike engagement.
“As Yourself” Assumes Healthy Self-Love:
You can’t give what you don’t have. If you’re depleted, your “love” becomes resentment. Rest, prayer, and Sabbath aren’t selfish—they’re stewardship. Neither is being kind of a loner forbidden. If you know that you are dealing with issues, not fully loving God in the moment, possibly detrimental for others to engage with in your current state of being, sitting off by yourself might be the most loving thing you can do for your neighbors. If that is the case then monitor yourself, your heart for God, your ability to behave yourself in a loving way that provides you something to share with others and gradually start engaging in fellowship. There is hope for you. One way to improve along these lines is pray for other people, either in context with others who are doing the same or just on your own. Put their troubles on the altar with your own and let God lift these imperfections and love them from a distance if you need be.
Loving your neighbor does not involve stewing in conflict and rifts. Always Pursue reconciliation (Matt 18)
